Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
