I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize