it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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