I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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