hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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