I murdered the dance floor call the cops
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
