I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
