what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
