Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
