Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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