ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
