I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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