I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Boobs speak an international language.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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