so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there is glitter all over my balls
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