i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
