Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
