Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
