Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my liver is dry heaving
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
