We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
