I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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