someone owes me an orgasm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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