I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no you cant smoke seaweed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Drunk is not a location!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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