Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize