you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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