Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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