So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
