i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
