You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
