chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to sanitize my soul.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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