I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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