If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
