Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
