tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
