Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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