It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
