I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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