I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
