Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
