Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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