the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
