He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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