I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
