Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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