I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
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If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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