well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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