on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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