no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
