it was like eating out sand paper
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
