Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
