I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
