Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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