Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
