My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
