so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
