he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dick very happy bro
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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