i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
