And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
