Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
