You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
