Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
